I'd been getting less and less happy with America. I mean, I love my country, volunteered to join the service, paid taxes and all of that. But this Political Correctness thing was really getting me down. I was in my late fifties, a company president, a writer with lots of books under me, the holder of seven US patents, and a bachelor. Now, if I couldn't speak my mind in public, just who in the hell could? The Feminists bothered me, too. It seemed to me that they were trying to be both men and women at the same time and failing badly at both. And there were a dozen other social changes going on that I didn't like. I suppose that some of it was the way I was getting old, but I was sure that all of it wasn't. I've often looked at the kids goofing off and thought "Amateurs! Hell, I've done dumber things than that!". So there I sat, thirty miles from where I was born, old, fat, and lonely. Getting old just sort of snuck up on me. The fat was because I just didn't much care about anything any more. Lonely happened because my family was gone, my friends were scattered across the country, and I couldn't find a woman who wanted anything to do with me. And the more that I looked at the women of America, the less I wanted to do anything with them. I wanted a woman like my grandmother was. Intelligent, tough, and self reliant. Warm, loving, and absolutely straight. Compassionate with all that lived, caring and supportive, but don't you DARE cross her! There don't seem to be any of those any more in America. Then I stumbled across a web site that told me that for the price of a small used car, they could bring me a place filled with beautiful women eager to meet me. Women like these:

Chicks like these were going to have anything to do with ME? Naturally, my bullshit indicators went into overdrive. But, the folks at LifetimePartners.com said that everything was free until I was ready to buy a plane ticket, so I sent them my name, mostly to see what the scam was. I shortly received a dozen VCR tapes, each with 50 interviews of one gorgeous lady after another. Most of them well educated, from all professions and walks of life. And the whole thing was so amateurish that it just didn't smell like a con game. They're still in business, but I get the feeling that they aren't as good as they once were.

Six months later, I flew to Russia, and had a wonderful time. Beautiful women, sometimes three and four a day, were absolutely eager to meet fat, old me! In a few weeks, I picked a pretty thirty year old who ran her own business. That's right, I picked. I wasn't in Kansas any more, or Michigan either. I bought her a diamond ring, and we spent a weekend in St.Petersburg together. Then I went home to get her Fiancee Visa going. Well, I picked wrong, and in a few months I broke it off. But after I spent six more months back in Michigan being lonely, I decided that the problem was that I had rushed things. I bought a notebook computer so I could keep on writing, got a one year visa to Russia, threw away everything I owned (including my car)(But not my library. Allied Van Lines were supposed to send that over, but they soon decided that it would be cheaper to simply steal it. Never trust Allied Van Lines!), and headed back to Russia with two suitcases. It was the smartest thing that I've ever done. Over the next year I dated over 80 fine ladies, and finally picked Marina, whom I married.

(Not bad for a guy who had just passed a kidney stone five minutes before, eh?) She has an interesting personality. You can't get bored of Marina. She's in her early thirties, has two Master's Degrees (or maybe that's a Master's and a Doctrate. They do things a little differently over here.), and runs the accounting section that controls all of the government disbursements to all of the cultural activities in the Tver Oblast, a place bigger than France. Also, she has a body like the one on every Frank Frazetta cover. I mean, there's no bra in there, guys.

Marina came fully equipped with a daughter and a dog. I got a three-fer! We decided to stay in Russia. Marina liked her job, and didn't want to permanently leave her large, extended family (All of whom are very nice people. I even like my mother-in-law!). There was nobody to go back to in America for me, and one of the blessings of the writer's life is that you can do it anywhere. But there are other reasons for liking Russia. Living is very inexpensive here. Cigarettes start at a dime a pack, and you can get drunk for a dollar. Most Russians were given their homes and apartments when the communists broke up; others rent for like $50 a month. Out of the city, you can buy a decent house for $2,000. And when you can arrange it so you get paid in New York and spend it in Tver, you are way ahead. The people here positively LIKE Americans, men and women. And most importantly to me at least, There is more personal freedom to be had today in Russia today than there is in the US of A! That is the honest straight truth. There is no such thing as Political Correctness over here. Nobody will run up to you on the street, trying to get you to subscribe to their latest weird philosophy or cause. For the most part, on most subjects, Russians simply don't give a damn, and that is wonderfully refreshing. There are no blue laws. Beer is legally a soft drink, and I have sent my 14 year old daughter out to get me a few more liters. Bars can stay open until nobody wants to drink any more. The churches are beautiful, but they don't intrude into your life unless you ask. And young girls play safely after dark in the park. Hey, until somebody with a Kalishnikov comes over and tells me that I got to git, I'm staying!